Dream

HAPPY ADVANCE MOTHERS DAY!

2010-05-08T08:08:00.004+08:00

My mum, is the greatest mum I ever had. Eventhough I don't like it when she keeps on nagging, still, its for my own good. My mum has a big ego, she won't show her love directly. You just have to see carefully. My mum's cooking is the best! Everything she cooks is nice. She also bakes! Sometimes, she'll ask me to sit beside her, watch her and pick up her skills. She knows what I like, and what I not like. Oh, and she always gets jealous whenever my dad pamper me.

But now, we kinda drift apart. I seldom talk to her. And I realize that. Everyday, go to school, come home late, sleep & wake up at night, and she'll be asleep. If I'm awake, I'll be in my room, surfing the net. And I'll always be out on weekends. :(
So now, I'll try to stay at home as much as I can.

I love you, mama. < 3

Hot & cold.

2010-05-07T07:37:00.010+08:00

I'm not your fucking barbie doll you can play around with. You push me around, and then pull me back again. You're hot and cold. You change your mind like a girl changes clothes. You can't even appreciate me well. Its your lost. You promised you wouldn't leave. You promised to love me with all you've got. But where are your promises? Let me see, in the drain? "just when I was about to get back to you" Thats just bullshit. You wouldn't even listen to me. You don't even care bout me. You're not even there for me. And you fucking find a replacement for me(!!) WTF!?

This song's for you. =')

I guess it's really over, I'm finally getting better.

2010-05-05T21:59:00.002+08:00

Okay, sorry for not updating. Well, all of you should already know that its over between me and him. I assume that he's happy now, maybe even moved on. Well, thats what I see. Yes, he did say Ily still, but no, I don't believe that anymore. Cuz if he really does, he'd listen to me. No, not for me, but for his own good actually. But he's dumb anyway. I think he already killed his brain cells, thats why. Why should I waste my effort on someone who wouldn't listen? well basically cuz I care so much bout him. But I see no point for me to keep saying the same thing over and over again, cuz it wont fucking stay in his brain. But I just got to admit that I was fucking sad, looking at him waste his life away just like that. How dumber can he be right? He have dreams/goals, but he's not making any effort to pursue it. He only think bout enjoying. Wonder when will he grow up, really. Maybe when his skin starts to wrinkle, and his hair turned grey, he'll realize how wasted his life is.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Anyway, on a lighter note, my life's getting better these days. I'm starting to appreciate my life now. =) My friends are happy cuz I'm happy now.

Well, most of my friends are going through rocky relationships. I hope you guys will be able to pull it through. They will realize that nobody would be able to love them like how you can. They're lucky to have you.

I love going to school now. And they should know the reason why.

Thank you, S. Because you make me happy. With those random calls,unexpected msges, it made me really happy. =) < 3

logan lerman

2010-04-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

After watching Percy Jackson, I fell in love with him. He's so dreamy! =0

Sehamini

2010-04-18T15:46:00.003+08:00

Thanks bby for being there when I needed someone. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder. Thanks for hugging me. Thanks for pulling me back to reality. Thanks for reminding me that its not the end. I feel like a kid.. I feel so weak. )'=

I love you, seha. :)

Well said.

2010-04-02T06:09:00.000+08:00

"life is like a coin..pleasure and pain are the 2 sides..only one side can be seen at a time...but rmbr that the other side is also waiting for its turn!!!"-From Alistair

My life would suck without you

2010-04-02T03:49:00.001+08:00

Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin to pick a fight
I know that Ive got issues
But youre pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out Im nothing without you

And honestly
My life would suck without you

Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldnt miss you, but I cant let go.

Me.

2010-03-31T15:13:00.000+08:00

Do you know how hard I tried
To become what you want me to be?

Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars

Did I say something stupid
There goes one more mistake...

Lips!

2010-03-31T05:01:00.005+08:00

Bumped to Ad, while playing L4D just now. Didn't expect to see him. Still remember the old times, lol. memories.....BIBIR! =P

Currently texting him, killing time.

Ad : Frenster dah tak pakai lagi?
me : FRENSTER ZAMAN BILA????? HAHAHAHHAHAH!

2010-03-31T01:48:00.000+08:00

I'm exhausted.

scars.

2010-03-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

I tear my heart open.
I sew myself shut.
My weakness is.
That I care too much.
And my scars remind me.
That the past is real.
I tear my heart open.
Just to feel.

The air that I breathe.

2010-03-29T07:02:00.000+08:00

I need you..I need you...I need you )'=
nothing can ever change the way I feel bout you.
no matter how harsh you were to me.

Ps: roll the credits, baby.

7:02am

2010-03-28T04:56:00.000+08:00

And, I'll be gone for a moment. Don't bother asking.

Sweet dreams? no.

2010-03-27T15:13:00.001+08:00

I had countless of nightmares last night. Waking up, and forcing myself to sleep. What was I thinking, wishing you'd be here? )'=

He changed my world.

2010-03-27T01:43:00.004+08:00

I used to play with them boys but I'm thinkin' different now,
Oh he's a star, he makes me fly..
Taking me places, I've never seen..
Two worlds apart, but he don't mind..
Cause he's got his wings..
Now I don't rome no more,
And all my love he gets..
he come from a different place,
I come from the other side..
Even though we not the same..
That boy, he changed my life, oh my Romeo.
It's like a fairy tale .. that we all know so well,
And I'm so lucky that I found him.
there aint no one in this entire world
i'd rather be with than you boy.
so im throwing out all my cards
cuz i think i finally found the king of hearts.

But.. things are not the same. No, my feelings are still the same. But, I'm just tired of fussing & fighting everyday, every night. No, that doesn't mean I'm leaving.

absence makes the heart grow fonder

2010-03-26T12:11:00.001+08:00

When someone you care for is away, you miss that person and think about them often, and that feeling makes you want to be with them even more.
Have I been clinging on you too much, baby?

I walk alone.

2010-03-26T01:13:00.003+08:00

Things are just not the same anymore. Like as if you're a million miles away, and I couldn't reach you. Its like I'm walking alone in total darkness, so cold. Like everything's starting to fall out of place. I don't even know whats happening. Or maybe its just me, thinking too much. Feels so empty now.

Maybe, you've lost interest. Maybe, I'm not the one. Maybe, maybe.. Maybe I should stop thinking negative. But I just can't help it cuz you feel so distant now. It just feels so different. So different, I can't explain.

Oh God, save me.

What have been bothering you, lately?

2010-03-25T09:10:00.004+08:00

Woke up early in the morning, only to realize that its just 6.30am. No matter how hard I tried to close my eyes, I just can't go back to sleep. Been tossing & turning..My stomach growling for food. And the feelings which I thought I'd be able to get rid off when I wake up the next morning is still there. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it. In order to keep myself busy, I get out of my bed, prepared breakfast for myself and sat infront of my laptop, watching anime. But, its still there.

I don't wanna ruin this. I wanna refrain myself......But I just can't help it. After all the problems I've started and the mess I've caused, I don't want it to start over again. I just want him to love me more, from the bottom of his heart. Why must there be paranoia? Why does paranoia even exist? )':

Today, I'm going to work. So I'll just pretend everything's fine and go w the flow.

Anyway, this is just random. Something that came out of my mind. Or maybe.. something that have been bothering me lately ever since.. "There's an ample reason why you didn't make it to his future. And why you're called his ex. Move on."

Love is brutal, My heart is fragile

2010-03-24T20:32:00.002+08:00

It's a sunny day,
so I got nowhere to hide,
not a cloud in the sky,
so I'm pretending, I've got something
in my eyes, just so you won't see me cry

So I wait for the storm,
to hide all my tears
but it's taking too long
but I won't run for the door,
'coz if you think I'm weak
then that makes you strong

So rain on me
What's the price of thunder?
It's like I'm waiting in a hundred degrees
I'll be standing under
disguise my tears so that you'll never see

I've been feeling so down, lately. I'm not sure what's bothering me. Maybe I rely too much on that someone? Now I'm paranoid, cuz if he leave, I'll be crying and heartbroken again. )'=
I don't want to see that day coming. No, never.
I don't wanna be relying too much. I wanna be more independent now. I hate this feeling.

want you here with me.

2010-03-23T00:43:00.001+08:00

All this time that I've spent with you, im not in it for a game. It ain't fair to make you believe its true and then turn and walk away. Everything I do, and everythin I said, Im tryna prove to you.

Work it baby.

2010-03-22T01:41:00.002+08:00

When I get my pay,
I'm gonna bring mama out for lunch/dinner, splurge on shoes & get new clothes!

And, working w Benyamein is so fun. ^^ Well, atleast I get to see him everyday, until school starts.

Just Dance.

2010-03-16T21:22:00.003+08:00

Romp V was fine. But the que was like crap. So many people. Came at 10.30pm, and only able to go in at 1.30. After that, cabbed to Zul's place with Ben, Seha. Took a nap & woke up at 8, and went home. Slept all the way till 9pm. (y)

All bout him.

2010-03-13T21:44:00.005+08:00

I'm in love with this boy, whom I thought was Indian, the first time I saw him in class. Well, we never really talked to each other until you started to disturb me in class, throwing pieces of paper. =.=

Then one day we planned to go drinking together, which was on the 6th Feb. I got my pay, so it was my treat. Me, Hizam, you & Zul. I told you I'd be fine, drinking Bombay Sapphire. I'm strong. HAHA. Then after few shots, I got drunk. You still can let me drink half cup of it, which I dragged. Few minutes later, I vomit like there's no tomorrow. Hizam couldn't send me home, so you're the one who send me home. Cabbed, and I asked to stop at Esso to get lemonade. In the end, you got me milk. =.= Sat at the void deck, smoke, drink & I talked bout my problems. You gave me the listening ear, you gave me a shoulder to lean on... After that, you actually send me until the doorstep.

When I reach home, I felt something in my heart..I was unsure of what it is. Then every night, I keep thinking bout you.

I told Emily bout it, and was told not to confess cuz things might get weird. I tried so hard to keep it to myself, but I can't. Then on the 19 Feb, I finally got myself to confess to you. It was so hard to get you to believe me. We went out to town together after that. We could sit down and talk normally, and I was glad.

Batam trip, I spent the whole time with you. I still remember sleeping together, and you actually make sounds with your mouth. HAHA, it was so cute. You keep on asking me to tie my hair too, cuz it was all over your face. =.=

Everyday after school, we would hang out together. We even go out together sometimes during weekend.

Yesterday, before we went to bbq, I accompany you fetch Danial then to Ghim Moh to get your bag. While waiting for MRT, I asked you to see if there's hair in my eyes. You were shocked by the amount of hair in it. You tried to help me to get it out but fail. =.= Infront of your house, you helped me get every single hair, which got stuck in my eyes, out, succesfully. Haha. Then, we bussed all the way to ECP.

At 12am, me, you, Khai & Yong drank. I got high & vomited. I know I said alot of things to you, which I couldn't really remember. I did remember you told me you couldn't trust me cuz of the guys I contacted. I tried to convince you, but you wouldn't listen. =.=
Eventhough I smell of vomit, you still kissed me, you still hugged me. ^^ We stayed together till morning and bussed home, tired.

It have been 3 weeks now, and the feelings for you, is still strong. It don't matter if you wanna take your time, cuz I don't care bout the status. You can have all the time you want. For as long as you love me, thats all that mattered. =)

We fuss & fight bout littlest thing. But I'm trying my best to understand you now.

Benyamein, I really do love you.

Bet you didn't know that.

2010-03-10T11:29:00.001+08:00

you thought that i was so unmoved
and you thought i didn't care
but you can still call me
sometimes just to say hello
and i know that you still assume
that i'm still mad at you
that was a memory, it's still a part of me
and baby if you ever wonder
bet you didn't know it
i bet you don't know that
you're still on my mind
i think about you all the time
i know that we moved on
and yes it's been so long
baby your picture's still hanging up on my wall.

Can't Take My Eyes Off You

2010-03-09T22:56:00.000+08:00

I know that the bridges that I've burned along the way
Have left me with these walls and these scars that won't go away
And opening up has always been the hardest thing
Until you came

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you

I love how you tease me when I'm moody, but it's never too much.
I'm falling fast, but the truth is I'm not scared at all
You climbed my wall

Smile more. =)

2010-03-09T11:50:00.003+08:00

I'm sitting here, wondering why my life's like this. Why can't I control my tantrum, why can't I control my attitude. The bad side of me is making a comeback, and it ain't nice. Its real ugly, isn't it? So last night, before I go to bed, I gave it a thought, and planned to change myself. It ain't easy to change, but its no harm trying. Its for the better, anyway.

I wanna smile more, I wanna be emotionally strong. I wanna be tough, independent.

I woke up today, smiling ever so widely. Thinking that today will be a good day and everyday, too. Today will be a start of my 'new life'.

Don't you worry about them other boys.

2010-03-07T16:22:00.001+08:00

We should be together; Edward & Bella
Be by your side, Bonnie and Clyde
I give you everything because of who you are
I'll put you in the spot-light, you're a superstar
I just wanna be with you nightly, don't take what I'm telling you lightly
Cause I like ya' and you like me so let's not play around

I'd never thought I'd be in love like this.

2010-03-06T18:05:00.002+08:00

How can I say I'm over you, when I still wear the necklace you gave me for our first month, & the band which I got for us?
How can I say I'm over you, when I still have our picture on my shelf, w the bracelet I bought for us?
How can I say I'm over you, when I always think bout you & secretly hope to bump onto you somewhere?
How can I say I'm over you, when I still mention your name to my friends, talking bout you & all that?
How can I say I'm over you, when I still want to meet you?

Well, I guess I AM over you cuz I can't remember how it hurts when you leave me. But memories still remains, deep down.

___________________

Anyway, on a lighter note, everything is going smoothly now, I guess. Lets just hope we'll stop quarreling and be nice to each other like last time. Always joking around, laughing at almost everything.

Perangai takmu shabu shabu okay? hahahahahha *inside joke.

=)

2010-03-02T02:57:00.002+08:00

3D2N at Batam was the best. What more can I ask for? Great companies I had, good food too. & cigarettes are filthy cheap. But the vodka tastes like shit.

Like what Khai said, we've seen each of our ugly side. Ben is really cute when he's asleep. ^^

April's coming, and we'll soon be separated. Lets stay together, shall we? Super crappers =)

Never Knew I Needed You

2010-02-28T23:03:00.001+08:00

for the way you changed my plans
for being the perfect distraction
for the way you took the idea that i have
of everything that i wanted to have
and made me see there was something missing
for the ending of my first begin
and for the rare and unexpected friend
for the way you're something that i never choose
but at the same time something i don't wanna lose
and never wanna be without ever again
you're the best thing i never knew i needed
so when you were here i had no idea
you're the best thing i never knew i needed
so now it's so clear i need you here always

my accidental happily ever after
the way you slime and how you comfort me with your laughter
i must admit you were not a part of my book
but now if you open it up and take a look
you're the beginning and the end of every chapter

who'd knew that i'd be here who'd knew that i'd be here
so unexpectedly
undeniablely happy
said with you right here, right here next to me

Maybe

2010-02-24T23:23:00.001+08:00

Beep Beep Oh Look Now There Goes My Phone
And Once Again I'm Just Hopin' It's A Text From U
It Ain't Right I read your Messages twice thrice four times A Night It's True
Everyday I Patiently Wait
Feelin' Like A Fool But I Do Anyway
Nothin' Can Feel As Sweet & As Real
As Knowin' I Wasn't Waitin' In Vain

Off to Batam, till sat. Miss me please =)
kbye.

I need you to show me how love should really be.

2010-02-23T22:38:00.005+08:00

From the first day I met ya,
I notice your style.
Had that B-Boy swagger not one of the crowd.
And you talked like you knew me.
Kept coming around and I fell for ya.
Wanted to run away cause the situation's in the past,
Love never really last.
Memories just had a hold of me.

I used to turn around and walk away
Never stopped to play
Cause there was no attraction

But in my heart you start to grow on me
Kind of a suddenly
So now I've changed direction

Knowing it might seems strange
Love came over me
Feeling the luck has changed
Do you want me, like I want you?

I wish upon a star
Wanna be right where you are
You set my world on fire
Babe I got a crush on you

I fell in love with........................

2010-02-22T20:46:00.001+08:00

AUDREY!

Butterflies.

2010-02-22T18:39:00.002+08:00

I don't believe in wizards or witches
But boy, you've got a spell on me
I don't know this or that or which is
What you want me to see

________________

School is getting more...boring. I'm so looking forward to Batam Trip this Thursday. Sure gonna be loads of fun. ^^

I've been trying to make myself busy lately to forget bout all my past, and its working well. :)

Sorry if my blog's getting so boring now. I'm getting even lazier to update a proper post. kbye.

Cupid hit me.

2010-02-20T16:23:00.004+08:00

Everything bout you, attracted me.
That includes-
Your silly jokes/acts, which always made me laugh.
Your smile, which is contagious.
The way you care for people around you.
Just, simply.... everything.

Could this be for real, I wonder

2010-02-20T02:00:00.000+08:00

I believe, I believe in love
And like the stars above
They shine, let it shine over me.

urgh.

2010-02-19T01:04:00.004+08:00

I don't know really, should I be feeling relieved or upset.
I don't know why the hell I'm so stubborn.
Yeah should have listened to her.

.....................................................................................

)=

Emily

2010-02-18T18:51:00.002+08:00

All the times we had stupid little conversations, all the times you bitched to
me bout boys, all the times you were there to hear my bullshit, all the times i
heared your bimbo talks, all the times we went shopping, all the times we
laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe, all the times you asked “is my hair okay?”,
all the times we would meet in the morning before going to school, all the times
you would ask if i’m okay when i don’t talk, all the times that you said you
would be there for me, and the list goes on.
Thanks for everything babe. < 3

This was taken from Emily.

Aww babe, That was really sweet, you know? :) Thank you for being a gr8 friend. I < 3

big sigh

2010-02-18T18:38:00.002+08:00

It just keep growing, never shrinking.
So tell me now, how long is this gonna last? This feelings.
Its killing me, really.
How many times I restrain myself from letting you know.

It sucks having the person you like just beside you, not knowing how you feel. & whats worst is being curious about what is going on in his mind.

I ain't a risk taker. I just don't wanna let him know & then knowing that he don't feel the same way. & then things will become so awkward that it'll be worst than now. So, i'll just leave it this way.

Life?

2010-02-17T20:42:00.004+08:00

I keep losing people, one by one. I know, friends come & go, they don't bring you anywhere. But for me, I treasure every one of my friends. They're like part of my life. They're like the missing bits & pieces of my heart.

Eventho I don't have a boyfriend, they are the ones who make me feel less empty. I depend much on friends, apart from my family. They're the ones who will be there when I need a crying shoulder, listening ear and much more.

Boyfriend/girlfriend, on the other hand, will complete your life. But when you're heartbroken, who will you let your feelings out to? Who will be there when you're down?

When you have a problem, and you wish to let it out, who will you tell?

Tell me, who don't need a friend?

God create us to socialize w one another. & if God can forgive our mistakes, why can't we forgive one another? Why must there be enemies?

Human makes mistake, no doubt. Even the people who we look up to, definitely make a mistake once in their own life.

But if the person keep making the same mistakes and hurt you countless times, then I guess its not worth it, right?

& thats when we have to move on. This is life.

gff? BULLSHIT!

2010-02-17T20:10:00.004+08:00

Hey, bitch. So how's your life going? Oh, I envy you for having a complete life. =) For you, friends come & go. But, sorry. I don't forget my friends. Well I'm glad I have fucking great friends now who make me happy. Its fucking sad, you don't know I've been thinking bout you and looking at those pics we took. I still have that friendship band we got together. I bet you don't keep it. Why would you, right? So here's to you, babe. MAY GOD BLESS YOU!

xoxo;
your gf.

I can't believe this, really )'= 4 yrs, all down to drain. I fucking treat you like a real sister & this is what I got.

Fairytale Come True?

2010-02-17T00:23:00.003+08:00

This is just so perfect. Omg, I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins! I so can't wait for this. Its opening in 2-3 months time. I'll save up for this. Or best still, my bday's on July.. By the time, it should be open. Someone bring me there please? *puppy eyes*

Fear?

2010-02-14T11:36:00.002+08:00

Have you ever had this feeling of being left out? You walked behind them, listening to music & looking at them, laughing & talking among themselves. & when they realize you're behind them, they'll ask, "are you ok? why so quiet?" and then you smiled and pretend everything is fine.

hmmm )=

What would you do, when you had feelings for your friend? You wanna say "i love you" so bad, but don't wanna scare him away. You wanna tell him what you feel, but afraid you'll lose him. Would you, overcome your fear, take the chance & tell him,let go of this heavy feeling in your chest? or would you keep your feelings inside, pretend you're fine? & watch him love somebody else?

This' killing me.

Oh anyway, Happy v'day to everyone & cny to the chinese.

Happy holidays, too. xoxo

Crush, on you.

2010-02-12T23:51:00.002+08:00

My mind in waste and I let the moment slip away. Another night got me sitting here all on my own. Picking up the phone, But i cant get past the dial tone. Rocking my brain, Going insane. Again and again. I cant keep going this way.

So I told myself that tomorrow gonna be the day And I keep on telling myself that Im gonna find a way. And I wont be afraid just like yesterday. Wont walk away never gonna let another chance slip away. Cuz' I gotta know which ever way its gonna go. Rest my heart and soul Cuz' there can never be no more. Rocking my brain, Going insane. Again and again. I wont keep going this way.

Crushing,Im so into to you, Dont know what Im gonna do. Gotta find a way to you. I dont know just what to do.

If only I have the gut. If only I was brave. But I just don't wanna get hurt, afraid of getting rejected. Cuz I know he's only treating me as a friend. And I doubt I'm good enough for him. I guess it'll be better left this way.

And so Im left,Short of breath. With that heavy feeling in my chest, Baby im so crushed.

Squirrel&cat.

2010-02-12T22:47:00.003+08:00

Today school was fine cuz we didnt study that much. After school, went home & took a nap for a bit. Woke up @ 2+ and got ready to meet Shaiff.

Met @ the harbourfront bus int. Had lunch and we hang out @ the place facing sentosa. Smoked, chat & took a lot of pics. I was laughing so loud that it made people nearby us walked away. HAHA! It was crazy.

Around 9, we walked to cheers and bought drinks cuz we were thirsty after all the laughing. Sat infront of vivo & open music. Sang so loud, laughing like crazy. All eyes were on us but we just don't care. It have been a while since I laughed like that. It sure did make my day.

Thanks yo!

Feeling empty?

2010-02-10T23:30:00.004+08:00

Why does it feels like there's a huge hole in the chest? Why does it feel like there's a heavy weight?
why do I feel so empty? )'=

No matter how hard I tried to occupy myself, I'll still remember bout that hollowness the moment I let my mind wonder abit. Oh god, why is life so unfair?

I wanna be happy like everyone else.

Dear God, I want someone who'll take away these tears and turn my frown upside
down. I want someone who appreciates me for who I am. I want someone who would
hold my hand, and say "I'll always be by your side, rain or shine.". I want
someone who will love me, infinity & beyond.

Okay, enough. I know love will come by on its own, let nature take place. =')

ps : Its frustrating when you can't find the missing pieces. My heart's incomplete.

Untitled.

2010-02-09T14:53:00.005+08:00

Time check, 1337. I'm home from school cuz I'm not feeling quite well. I keep having this frequent stomach ache. I fucking hate watery/loose stool. I don't know if its diarrhea or something I ate yesterday. I don't have the apetite to eat, only feel like vomitting. )=

Moving on, just a question, does it mean I like him if I get jealous whenever he talk bout some other girls? =/ Or maybe I'm just confused....

Anyway, I guess I won't be staying home on 14 Feb. =) I can't wait, wonder where we'll be heading.

___________________________

As we grow up, we learn that even the one
person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down prolly will. You will have
your
heart broken prolly more than once & its harder every time. You'll
break
hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll
fight w your
best friend.. You'll cry cuz time is passing too fast &
you'll eventually
lose someone you love.So take too many pictures.
Laught too much. & love like you've never been hurt. Cuz every sixty
seconds
you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get
back.

Smile like I'm fine =)

2010-02-08T19:56:00.005+08:00

You're never gonna be alone. From this moment on, If you ever feel like letting
go, I won't let you fall. You're never gonna be alone, I'll hold you 'til the
hurt is gone.

Upon knowing that I'm having fever, he cancel his plan just to come down to my place to check if I'm fine & also bring me a bouquet of roses, chocs. . Upon knowing that I'm down, he ask me out & buy me B&J, to cheer me up. Upon knowing that I'm going for any competition, he'll come down & support me. Upon knowing that I feel alone,he'll come down to my place and hug me tight & let me listen to You are not alone. Upon knowing that I have a nightmare, he'll tell me not to worry & remind me that he will always be there for me. Sometimes, I get love letters from him, slipped in from the window.

So, meet my dream guy.. =) But sad, in reality, I doubt any guy would do that.

________________________________

Okay, moving on, I miss my ol' friends. Slowly, everyone's leaving. Wait, should I even call them friends? Cuz true friends will stay, rain or shine. They'll give you the shoulder to cry on & listening ears, too. They'll put themselves in your shoe first bfore saying anything too. But being humans, we make mistakes. True friends forgive ea othr, and let the pass go. But if its not worth it, why bother?

Eventho I made new friends in this campus, it doesn't feel the same. They were great companies, really. But sometimes, I just feel left out. Or maybe its me, who keep building walls instead of bridges.

Wasted.

2010-02-07T19:49:00.002+08:00

Got myself wasted last night. It was real bad. My legs were jelly & I can't control myself. Whats worst was I thought I'm gonna die everytime I vomit. Much apologies to everyone. I know I made your life hard. Urgh, I swear it was embarrassing.

And a million thanks to Ben who took care of me & sent me home. Thanks for lending me a shoulder. =)

Alone.

2010-02-05T08:00:00.004+08:00

All i needed was just someone to be there for me. But no one is even by my side now. Everything's falling down on me. The weight on my chest is getting heavier each day passes by. My mum don't wanna admit me as her daughter anymore. My girlfriend whom i knew for 4 years now pretend that I'm invincible. My friends keep pushing me.

& now I realized that I'm all alone. I've been independent all this while. I had no shoulder to cry on.. Oh god, why is my life like this? )':

Sometimes, I really feel like putting everything to an end, my life. Cuz there's no use living it anymore.

I'm sorry I ain't perfect.

2010-02-02T19:01:00.004+08:00

Hey mum, look at me. Think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along. And now I try hard to make it, I just want to make you proud. I'm never gonna be good enough for you, I can't pretend that I'm alright And you can't change me. Did you know you used to be my heroin? All the days you spent with me, Now seem so far away...And it feels like you don't care anymore. Nothing's gonna change the things that you said, Nothing's gonna make this right again. Please don't turn your back, I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you but you don't understand.

Everyone wants to see me fall now. I guess I'm on my own, no? Cuz no one's givin me all the support I need. Well, I know I ain't as clever as compared to both my siblings or anyone in the family members. I know I ain't pretty like my big sister. I know I ain't as good as my brother. But don't you think I deserve to be heard? Am I not your daughter, mum? I wish I can tell you whats in my head, but you wouldn't understand. Eventho you treat me this way, I still love you so dear. Cuz you're the only mum I have. ('= But do you love me, mum?

I don't understand why I'm being sensitive lately. I just wanna be treated well by people. I wanna feel loved )'= It feels like as if I'm carrying a heavy weight on top of my chest, cuz it hurts so much. I feel empty. Save me, someone.... < / 3

People are lonely cuz they build wall instead of bridges.

2010-01-31T21:39:00.004+08:00

I'm still here, standing strong, thanks to my friends and family. No, words can't pull me down now. And I pledge, not to shed a tear anymore.

I miss this boy over here, so much. Still my lil bow wow. Haha! I miss those
times when we used to argue & then make up. Talk bout silly things on the
phone. Kiss in the public, like as if we own the place. I miss every single
thing when I'm w you, Hizam. I guess memories is the only thing that will remain
unchange. Hope to meet you soon. Lets hang out bby.

Well I guess being single ain't that bad. At least I get to spend the time w my friends. But at times, I really do feel lonely cuz everyone's w their bf & I'm all left out. Oh! I'm still smiling tho. I'm sure, one day, I'll find the right one. Whats the rush for?

6 Feb is coming....... =)

& I soooo can't wait for 25 feb. Batam w classmates!

Okay, I'm done. Gnight sweets.

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.

2010-01-23T13:13:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I woke up on the wrong side of bed. Feeling bit cranky & down, prolly due to the rain. I hate cold weather especially when I need to force myself to wake up & get ready for school. Despite the fact that I woke up early, I was late to meet Emily cuz I'm stuck at my void deck. No umbrella & no keys to go home. Cab to school was the only option.

No lesson was conducted so I took a nap. Woken up by Emily few mins later, asking me to accompany her to canteen to collect uniform. When we reached the canteen, the smell of the food caught us. So we ate before going back to class.

School ended at 12pm. Called Farhanah. Was told that she's at New Town Sec. Since I got nothing better to do, I thought I should pay the school a visit.

Met Peihui, Fiona & everyone else. Oh how I miss the school...After that, me, Farhanah, Nasri & Rahmat went to west coast court to slack a bit. Went home after that..

Took a nap & woke up around 6pm. Spent the time watching anime till 9+pm.

Was hungry & feeling bit down so I made myself a waffle to cheer myself up.

anyway, I really have to start saving.

My life has become somewhat monotonous. Only revolves around family, friends, school. I feel empty deep inside, despite having alot of companions. I miss being held. I miss being told "i love you". I miss having someone special to count on. But that does not mean I'm in a rush to have a partner. I guess 2010 is the year I'm gonna relax. I wanna find a partner whom I really want to spend my life with. I wanna make every moment with that someone worthwhile. No more flings, no more puppy love.

I wanna change & become a better person. =) Thats gonna be my goal for 2010.

_______________________

To Emily,

Thanks for being a good friend from the start =) Our friendship starts to
blossom beautifully. Glad I've made a good friend. Had a gr8 time w you, always.
In school & anywhere else. Never fail to laugh when I'm w you. Enjoy
laughing at people & @ our own stupidity. Hur hur. Looking forward for an
outing. Lets go food hunting & shopping together. Oh & thanks for the
advices too. Telling me that I deserve better. Sorry if I keep rolling eyes @
you. Just a bad habit which I can't seem to throw. But you know I don't mean it.
See ya on monday babe! I love ya bitch. xoxo.

For you.

2010-01-20T21:51:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I feel that things between us won't work out. I don't even think she'll ever be able to forget you. & I'm sure we'll face a lot of fights in time to come. You're a nice guy. But your words were never convincing enough. I don't wanna get involved already. Its hurting me too much. It does hurt me to let you go but rather than I feel so insecure? I want no regrets in future if I were to be w you. But I just can't help it. To think that she can't let you go, cuts me deeper. I want a guy who's really available. This is just not right. "after anniversary, we'll be done." Thats what you said. But I'm sure its never gonna be done. Cuz she mention that both of you will always be lovebirds. Well? Yeah, you can move on. But the feeling's not right to be w you when someone's thinking bout you. Get what I mean?

Take care, H.

____________________________________________

I ain't a risk taker. Well yeah, used to be one. But what for take risks when you know you'll just end up getting hurt?

Urgh, I'm feeling real down now )': & No one's there to be there for me.

giving up so soon?

2010-01-19T18:22:00.000+08:00

Oh god, seriously, I don't know what the hell I'm thinking. Can I really trust your words? Sometimes, I really feel like giving up. Cuz your words weren't convincing enough. Everything's swirling in my mind, driving me nuts! I get sick & tired of heartaches. I don't wanna get hurt in future. Yes true, its part & parcel of relationship. But wouldn't want the same thing to happen to me. If you tell me you love me, why are you giving her hope? hmm? Life's screwed up sometimes.

Put that aside.... Today's the 6th supposed-to-be monthsarry with my first love, Hizam. Urgh, I miss him so much )= Life have to go on, have to keep reminding myself. =/ But honestly, no matter how hard I tried to get rid of him in my mind, he still exist somewhere in my heart. Deep inside. Memories are the only thing that will never change in life I suppose?

Well, maybe, just maybe I should just forget bout 'him'. Cuz I really can't stand the pain. I don't understand why must I get involved in it. What are you trynna prove anyway? Hais. I suppose there are much better guys out there? Oh I don't know. )': Its killing me!!!!!!!!!!!

Updates & updates and more updates.

2010-01-17T23:07:00.003+08:00

Camp was great! nothing much to elaborate tho. Had gr8 times w my friends. Gr8 companies =) I miss everyone...

________________________

Had an awesome day today w him. Planned to hit the town but in the end, we went to vivo. Went to my old workplace, met up w all my colleagues. They were asking me if I wanna join them again. I'll reconsider.

Walked around vivo, had java chip frappe. Bought snacks for Henderson wave.

After that, walked to Henderson. Was a very long journey. Had alot of rest on the way there. I'm wearing heels, mind you. haha.

There was this time when he kissed me. It really took my breath away. :$

Continued our journey.... Super tiring. Lucky he's strong enough to piggy back me. (y)

Journeyed all the way to alexendra. Power!! FYI, I have fear for heights. My legs were like jelly. Cuz you can actually see through below. So high up!! )= But he was there to hold my hand & guide me thru. How sweet was that? & then, got piggy back again. There's this time when I really cannot endure the heels, I took them off & walked. Was much easier... But it hurts like hell. But one thing fo sure, I overcomed my fear. Well, abit tho. W the help of him =) Thanks sweet heart.

Oh boy, you got me trippin, stumblin, fallin in love. Yes, I was really hurt to find out the truth myself. But slowly, I'm forgivin you. Gave you that chance you asked for. Just don't dissapoint me baby. Cuz if you do, I dont know just what else to say. I'm glad that you were being honest w me now. Understood much that its hard. I know pretty much how the girl feels cuz I've been in her position b4. Not trynna boast, but yknow, it hurts alot. & whats worst is that she can't accept the fact that you're leavin her. Hais.

You told me this wouldn't happen btween us. Can I trust you in that? You tried to convince me that you wouldn't only shower me w love but also guide me to the correct path. Yeah, hope you mean what you said. I don't want words but ation. Prove it to me.

You're the best guy I've ever met. A real gentleman. Who sends me home after we meet up. That makes me feel more attracted to you. Well, ofcuz thats not the only reason why I love you. There's alot more reasons but I just can't say it out. I ain't good w words. Urgh, if only you're Edward. If only you can read my mind. Then you'll understand how I feel. Sweetheart, look into my eyes, & then you'll understand. I love you. Really really do. Not only now but for as long as it could be. I won't get tired of you. (=

2010-01-13T00:22:00.002+08:00

Boy, I'm not gonna say I'm jealous. You just have to figure it out on your own.

Feeling blue?

2010-01-07T19:29:00.005+08:00

Sometimes, I wish god would just take away my life. I hate myself. )'=

Don't ask, I don't know whats up w me but suddenly, I feel so........................blue, so down.

These tears won't stop falling. Urgh. PMS? maybe.

Put that aside, today school was..okay. Met up w Haddy, my tagged friend & the rest before school. Went to macdonald to have breakfast first. Haddy went first cuz his lesson starts at 10am. We left soon. Report in class @ 11.

After school, walked with mates to interchange. Emily left first, leaving me, Haddy, Shawindah, Shafik & Kesha. Had cookies @ subway. & home after that.

There's a magical feeling - so right

2010-01-06T20:07:00.002+08:00

There's no escape from love, Was a gentle breeze.. Weaves it's spell upon your heart.

Is it too early to say that I fell in love? But they say, it doesn't matter how long you get to know him but how MUCH you know him. The feeling came naturally for me anyway. How I miss him.. I can only afford to hear his voice every night & stare at his pictures on facebook. )= So many unanswered questions swirling in my head, waiting to be answered. But I guess I just have to wait when we meet up.

School is getting bit mundane.... But thanks to my friends, I had bit of fun too. I enjoyed laughing with them. Cracked some lame jokes and etc.

Today after school, had lunch with them @ subway. And I was so careless, leaving my wallet on the tray.. Only realizing when I want to purchase something. But the best part was that before I left, I took the sweets which I put on the tray and actually didn't realize that my wallet was on the tray too. -.- Went back all the way to retrieve it. Lucky me, they keep it aside for me.

Met Farhanah at the void deck for awhile cuz I thought it was too early for me to go home. Its heartbreaking to know that her bestfriend treated her so badly now. I can't believe he change so much. Don't worry babe, let him realize his own mistake alright? I'm sure sooner or l8er, he'll apologize.

Ite life?

2010-01-05T21:43:00.002+08:00

ONE WORD FOR SCHOOL : AWESOME!~

Made lots of new friends. Everyone was being nice.. But the class was bit..... boring tho... What to expect. Few days later and I'm sure everyone will be used to it.

I saw alot of familliar faces in school.

Ite life is way different from secondary. You are allowed to use the phone in class. You can dye your hair but only in dark shade.. etc etc.

I never regret joining ITE cuz I met new people. & also this AWESOME guy.. =)

Tho I miss secondary sch life..... The daily routines.. smoke, lesson, eat, smoke, lesson, smoke, home. I miss my friends... )= I hope we'll plan some outing soon, really...

blah.

2009-12-23T20:59:00.004+08:00

Time passed so fast. In a blink of an eye, it's already the 23rd. And tomorrow's the x'mas eve. It have been three weeks since I work there already. Just a week more to go. Actually, I feel like continuing but I had to school next year. The people there are really nice to work with. Most, actually... But the cashier is being nice with me now. I don't know why? Only now that I have issues with the promoter for accessories.

Just 5 more days to results..... Ooh, the tension.

Sorry if this blog have been blunt lately. But I just can't find the right time to upload pictures here. But you guys can see my facebook for new pics =)

Will end here. work tomorrow ):

Path.

2009-12-19T22:33:00.004+08:00

I got promoted to sec 5 with 18 points. BUT no, I'm not going to sec 5. Instead, Im going to higher nitec. I know you guys will go like " WHY?!?! You have that opportunity, grab it!"....
But I have my own reasons.

the teachers are bias.
I won't be able to study well.
The papers will definitely be alot more difficult.
I don't have the confident.
If I fail, I'll still go to ITE and WORST, I won't be able to go to the course which I want.
Why should I waste another year when I can just go higher nitec??
To cut it short, its a WASTE OF TIME.

Agree with me now? But its the path I choose anyway. ITE isn't the same anymore. Don't you people look down on ITE. I got 3 for English, 3 for combined humans, ungraded for geography, 4 for maths, 4 for science, 4 for malay.

I want hospitality operation badly.........

Anyway, work have been fine. But just shagged. Many people nowadays. )= I can't wait to get my pay!!

On another note, today's my 5 month supposed to be monthsarry with Hizam. I really really truely miss him. Haven't met anyone who's better than him, really. I'm still thinking bout him. Anywhere I go, reminds me of him. Miss the old times....

Well, whats over, is over right? =)

Work it bby!

2009-12-17T09:58:00.003+08:00

Eversince I moved here, things starts to change. I miss my old home. But the environment here is nice tho.

Working is great... With great friends there who never fails to make me smile. Good customers who makes my day but also nasty ones who spoils everything.

I can't wait to go out with my best buddy later! and most probably heading to gf's house.

New Moon.

2009-12-13T15:54:00.003+08:00

New moon with Firman was super! He paid for everything. Tickets, food, and even taxi. I feel bit uncomfortable tho. Been such a long time since i got treated this way. Thanks Firman, really appreaciate it. I feel very much comfortable talking to you. Eventho it was our first time meeting.

Well yesterday, I did quite a few mistakes at work. Maybe its just not my day. Was very embarrasing, really. And I really, I mean... really really HATE one of the cashiers. I don't get why must she give that cold shoulder to me. I understand that I did mistakes but people make mistakes, right?? And after all, I'm new there. Don't expect me to know everything, from a-z in a snap. I'm trying my best. What would you do if you're in my position? The stress you get? Damn. Forget it. If thats the way you want to treat people, then I shall treat you that way too. :) Then you shall know how it feels.

Put that aside.. Today I'm gonna play L4D & pool. Just to relieve stress.
Oh, it have been 3 weeks since I've quit smoking! Gonna be 1 month soon.

Rants & Etc.

2009-12-12T00:20:00.002+08:00

Have been looking forward to work nowadays, since.....i-don't-know-when. No, not actually looking forward to work but.. just the 'work' only. HAHAHA! get it? Its okay if you don't. :) Usually I'll be in the store room, smsing & talking to my colleagues. (6) I'll only go out few times. But when I do go out...... people won't stop coming to me. The horror!!

But sometimes, it feels nice when the customer is still able to recognize you. The negative side bout this dept is that sometimes there's customer who ask for alot of pairs to try on and in the end....... they walk away. I mean, WHAT IS THAT?? I climb up and down, search high and low for the shoes and then they just don't seem to appreciate that. Yes! they always say that "customer is always right".... but at the back, Customer is sometimes wrong.

I've been sick for few days already. Coughing and sniffing. ):

Anyway, I've made new friends along the way :) And going to have lunch with them tomorrow. Can't wait! and prolly watching movies with Firman after work. Yay! Can't wait!~

Through the years.

2009-12-09T13:26:00.003+08:00

I miss my old friends. Time flies. I have finally completed 4 years of education in New Town Secondary and now, waiting for the results in a week's time.

I still remember the days when I first came in to New Town, wearing my pri school uniform cuz the secondary uniform is OOS. Wearing a headband, and a brown zinc bag (yes, I remembered clearly), I know I looked innocent. I was so nervous and had a low self esteem cuz of my sore throat. I was shy. In class, I was seated beside Raiyan(I think he was cute at that point of time..hahahha!) and behind Amirah. Mr Koh was our form teacher.

Few minutes or hours later, Amirah turned and said, "Hi! can we be friends?". (Haha! very cute right??) And then I agreed. We went for recess together. Then, she introduced me to her girlfriend, Alina.

Well, many things happened during secondary one. Ofcuz, our maturity level was low at that point of time.. My first boyfriend in that school was Faris. And he stole my first kiss! hahahahha. And then, I remember being together with Haider..... Those moments were very sweet eventho we fuss and fight. But he was my first love. We didn't last long tho. ):

Secondary two wasn't that bad.. I was at my rebel stage. Played truancy, smoking, ran away from home and etc. I mixed with the wrong company. But ofcuz, I did learn the right from the wrong.

Secondary 3 was beginning to get boring. Cuz the class isn't the same anymore. New faces, new people. There wasn't "1 for all, all for 1" anymore like how it used to be in secondary 1 & 2.

In secondary 4, things starts to lighten down. Cuz I was going to sit down for N levels. But I didn't attend school that much cuz I always give school a miss when I woke up late. I never want to go for detention.

This year is the year that Amirah & I get along pretty well. Yes, we did have few tiffs but we got over it, didn't we? We were the closest one among our cliques.

As soon as N levels was over, holiday have just began. And our friendship soon became distant. Everyone was busy with their own life.

Prom nite was the nite when all of us meet again. People change.. How I wish I'm still in secondary school.

I can't wait for results. To meet everyone again.

New Lifestyle.

2009-12-09T05:55:00.004+08:00

It have been more than two weeks since I quit smoking. Facing the SWS(smoking withdrawal symptoms) right now. But its just a tiny thing. Rather than dealing with a worst disease in future...

Actually, the reasons why I've quit smoking is cuz I was inspired by the show style by jury. Smoking really blacken the teeth. Its ugly. Well, ofcuz that's not the only reason. I think its a turn off when I see myself smoking in front of the mirror. Whats so pretty about it? It causes you bad breath too. Not only that, its air pollution! Oh, and the money spent on those cigarettes...... I could have used the money for shopping instead!

I don't like the smell of burning cigarettes anymore. Whenever people offered me a cigarette, I'd reject. I have to be persistent, right?

Honestly, I hate the SWS. But what can I do? I just have to keep reminding myself that its for the best. This would only be for few days or weeks. I can endure. :)

And now, my body is trying to adapt to the new lifestyle. I'm proud of myself! After 4 years, I finally am willing to kick the habit of smoking. Tho the temptation is there... But I'm able to ignore it. Can you? :)

So to those smokers out there, take a deep breath and think.. What do you get from smoking? Yes, it does relieve stress. But you can do healthier things such as bowling, pool or take a stroll at the beach to relieve stress. If you want to quit, then make sure you really do. Cutting down wouldn't help you. Just stop smoking! Pull yourself together. Yes, its not easy. But its worth it! Rather than getting disease such as cancer in future... It doesn't even do any good to your skin! Quit now before its too late.

Enough.

2009-12-03T19:49:00.003+08:00

Its good that I'm working 9 hours every 5 days in a week.
Today's my rest day but I actually regret staying at home. My mum is forever noisy. Cannot even wait. I'm really tired. Why can't she understand that? Something so simple....
How I wish I'm working everyday..
Now she threatened not to give me money. So be it. I don't care. I can starve myself. She wanna see her daughter suffers? Okay. What a gr8 family! :) yay.

Problems after problems. Hizam is gone, A is gone.. I hate everyone. )': All I need is someone to just be there for me not. Thats all..

Friends are not even here to be with me at the moment. Is that what you call friends in the first place?

What a life. God, save me.

2009-11-30T01:07:00.001+08:00

I'm in love................................................................................. :D

Misses.

2009-11-27T02:41:00.004+08:00

Prom nite was awesome. I got nothing much to say bout it.

I feel so lost & confuse right now. I don't know why, really :( I miss having a real bf tho. I miss having someone to be there by my side 24/7. I miss someone disagreeing with whatever I'm doing. I miss having small fights and then making up with him. I miss crying late at night, be it tears of joy or sadness for someone. Tho now I'm still crying but its cuz of the emptiness. I miss someone who's able to take in my craps when I'm having pms and still able to cheer me up. The only one who's able to do that is Hizam. God why was I so stupid back then? Now its all too little too late because its never gonna happen again. We're never going back again. I know I should've moved on but honestly, I'm not able to. God, why must I realize how much he meant to me now.. Why now.. )':

Its impossible to find another one just like him. Eventho I did, its never gonna be the same :( I miss all the pampering i could get. The praises which I usually get that would make my day. The wise words i get when I'm down or nervous. All that, I miss. I only saw the bad side(which wasnt even really bad)... I didn't see that. )': Oh dear, how i wish i could turn back time.

Now no one ever appreaciate what I did. No one could even make me happy. No one even praises me anymore...

Anyway, I miss everyone. I miss wearing that smurf uniform. I miss dragging myself to school.

FYI, I've gave up smoking :D hooray to me!

Exbf.

2009-11-24T11:50:00.002+08:00

I miss you so much, Hizam :(

How I wish I could take it back to when I had you..... But no, what we had will only stay as memories.

No one's gonna be better than you.

I don't wanna go.

2009-11-16T01:41:00.003+08:00

Lost & confused, got no ne to hold on to now. I miss my exboy. I miss having someone by my side 24/7.. No matter how busy he is, he still could spare time for me. The late night call, talking bout nothing, I missed. I miss hugging him while on the escalator. I miss smothering my face into his body. I miss his warm, familiar scent... I miss licking him, biting him. I miss texting stupid things. I miss drawing a msg and sending him via mms. I miss Hizam.

Now that he's no longer mine, I feel sooooo empty. I need to move on, I have to move on. Now that I'm contacting someone now, I really hope things can change and the future would be better. I don't want to be crying anymore.. I'm tired. I longed for genuine happiness. I'm tired of pretending.

Whatever. :/

I'm bit lazy to upload pics. maybe soon...

I love you, A. :)

boring.

2009-11-13T17:21:00.002+08:00

God I'm so shagged. I need a break I need a break............................................. ):

I miss my old home, I miss blogging, I miss everything. Anything I could think of, I miss. Especially my kitty cats! ): Damn.

Dad says home would most probably be ready in next week... :D

Currently staying over my cousin's place. Got molested every night. Haha! wth.

I wonder if anyone still view my blog. :/

Oh I miss my gf and my friends. ):

Oh God.

2009-11-12T00:00:00.002+08:00

things haven't been going smoothly in life nowadays.
Chaotic, messy life. Messed up.
I have been lying to myself and the only one who could see it is only my 4 yrs best friend.

save me someone.

2009-10-28T02:28:00.002+08:00

I'll be gone for a moment. miss me k.

Updates.

2009-10-25T00:05:00.002+08:00

Much apologies for the late update. Woah. The last time I've update was last tuesday. Been busy lately ): work work work.

I can't really recall what I've did over the past few days. But I'll type in anything I can remember.

I started working on Monday. At West Mall. Watson event or something. It wasn't that bad. First day was tiring.

Wednesday changed shift with Nasri so I could meet Hizam. Oh, I've highlight my hair, too. Met Hizam around 7pm at bugis. Went to shisha. Got bullied by him & his friend. ): Then went home around 10+.

Changed shift again with Nasri on Friday cuz planned to meet Dhit, YanP & Hizam. But in the end, we didn't go town. We met at bt panjang instead cuz all of us (except Hizam) were broke. So I didn't get to meet Hizam. Dhit quarrelled with her bf. Long story.

Chilled with Dhit, Yan Payong & Miffy. Around 7, Dhit had to go home ): So chilled with the rest till 9.30. Then Yan payong asked me to accompany him till Fajar mrt st. So, from pending, we walked all the way there. Both of us were hungry ): Reached home around 11+.

Today(saturday), met farhanah @ west mall and went to work together. Took picture with this adorable mascot..... :D

btw, Happy 19th birthday to my most beloved ex, Haider. :)

A day at town with heels.

2009-10-14T22:43:00.002+08:00

went out to find job today. Supposingly there's trainin at 12 but I don't feel like working at the pub ): So, I didn't go.

At first, I text ros & gf. But both of them had their own reasons. So in the end, I asked Mazree. Good that he's free. So we planned to meet at 2. But since I got no $$, I ate at home first. So we planned to meet at 3. But I got ready at 3. And I reached Jurong at 4. Haha. Ros followed us too, last min. Went to town by train.

Tried many shops but failed. 18 & above, full time... bla bla bla. So we went to plaza sing. Most of the shop asked us to contact the office. After that, Ros met her bf. Left me & mazree. Went to smoke and met Ros again. In the end, we planned to eat together.

Walked back to Lucky Plaza and had dinner there. Mazree treat me. :D After dinner, smoked and went home.

My foot's aching cuz I wore heels today. brrrr. Guess heels aren't meant for walking long distance ey?

Mundane.

2009-10-13T13:22:00.003+08:00

Many things had been happening lately.

The raya outing with ex pri schoolmates was...okay. Though it wasn't planned properly ):
After that, hang out with Shasha, Ilham & Ryanto at my house area till 6 in the morning.

That was on Sunday.

Monday, the plan was to go for interview but failed to wake up in the morning. Okay, don't wanna elaborate bout the fucked up day.

Something happened & I broke down. Instead of studying for my last paper, I cried and talked to my friends. I had a big fight with Hizam. I let go of my ego & plead for him not to let go. I really did sound pathetic tho.

I don't know how to put the reasons why I really need him in words. Its unexplainable. Eventho I could have just leave him and find another one to replace him, I don't want to. I never wanted someone to stay with me so badly.. It makes me wonder sometimes.. I just don't care what others have to say bout me or him.. Cuz what I know is that I never wanna let him go and no one is in position to say anything cuz they don't know what I'm going through. Tho I'm talking like I've been with him for years, this is just how I feel. And I don't need anyone to ask me again & again whats so special bout him. I love Hizam & I wanna grow old with him, no one else.

I really need to change and stop going out with many guys. But I really don't know how or where to start. I need him to guide me but its just so hard. ):

Today I screwed up my geog paper 2. I was extremely exhausted and slept after finishing the paper. Wait, I didn't even finish it. After 15 mins or so, I slept. I forced myself to wake up and finish it but I really can't. My eyes are really heavy. Yes, what the fuck.

In the noon, the show started. That was the first time witnessing my darling's real anger. I never seen this side of her. Or have I? The cat fight went on for few minutes. Poor Ros. She missed the show. In the end, that girl apologize to every one of us whom she called whores. Now see? Everyone hates you. You're such a messed up girl. Messed with the wrong person.
But honestly, I didn't really feel angry. -.- Wen Ling shows her ah lian side of her. Scary! haha!

So now, here I am at home. sigh. I don't feel like doing anything at all. I'm still upset bout yesterday's incident. Its like still hanging. I really don't want him to let go of me ): ):

life update.

2009-10-10T10:34:00.003+08:00

GOD!!! There's so much stuff to update. So many things had been happening. And I don't know if I can fit EVERYTHING into this one post. ):

First of all.............................Hizam & I are on good terms just 2 days after that happened. I was really elated to the point that I cried. :D I can't explain in words..

Suddenly, I have the mood to study again.

3rd October 2009, Saturday.
Went to study with my dearest cousin. She tutored me in chem. And I was able to understand better. Knowing myself, after understanding, I love to challenge myself and do more qs. Instead of studying for my other subs, Hist & Bio, I focused more on chem -.-

Slept over her house.

4th October 2009, Sunday.
Studied alone at the library while waiting for my cousin. Lazy to elaborate.

5th October 2009, Monday.
I came to school at 8 am not knowing that my chem paper starts at 9.30. How embarrasing. So went to study again.

chem was ok! bio was....................shit. & Hist was bloody shit.

After exams, went home and packed my stuff. I ran away from home.........

KIDDING! Went to Gf's house to sleep over. Our initial plan was to study. We studied from 10pm all the way till 4am. Slept and woke up at 10.

6th October 2009, Tuesday.
Bathed, rushed home and went to school. Maths paper one was easy.

My eyes swelled cuz I didn't have enough sleep. And I was walking like a robot ah.

after paper, went home and continue sleeping.

7th October 2009, Wednesday.
NO PAPER! studied with gf @ jurong east lib. There's this ang moh who kept looking at our direction. But when I looked at him, he quickly looked down, pretend he wasn't looking. -.- Suddenly, he came to me and ask for a pen. He returned with a slip of paper. His email address was written on it. HAHA. omg. But sad, he looks old & pervert. But who knows... he have a younger bro who's hot :D

Then there's this group who keeps disturbing us. But they're fun :D

Lib closes at 9 so we walked to the void deck to continue. There, we met gf's friends.

Went home at around 11pm.

8th October 2009, Thursday.
Maths paper 2 was fucken shit............
):

Geog p1 was okay.

Went home & sleep.

9th October 2009, Friday.
Went to fanah's house and watched movie while waiting for GF. Went to vivo then took tram to sentosa. Meet up with fiza & interview at Club Islander. A pub. It was fine but the manager was shocked when he sees our attire. -.-

After that, took train to Jurong. Suddenly, I started to have headache. ): It was getting worst. And at IMM, I feel nausea. Called dad and asked him to fetch me. Reached home, slept all the way........

I can't wait to get the job! :D
I'm gonna work like crazy... With that money, Imma pamper myself.

This song.

2009-10-01T14:35:00.000+08:00

lost, empty, confuse.

2009-10-01T09:34:00.002+08:00

Went to study at Jurong Library with gf yesterday. I'm lazy to elaborate.
But around 6+, we felt tremors. That second, we thought we're gonna die. But no ofcuz.

Had some problems. Hizam thought we should take a time off-break up. Continue only after his exams. )': I was really down. And I really feel like giving up everything.

Thanks gf, ros for comforting me. Thanks Mirul, for being there for me. You were busy working yet you still call me to check up on me if I'm fine. You're so sweet.

Today I didn't go to school cuz I don't have the mood to study. Yes, N level is next week. So what? I'm not planning to continue study next year. Cuz I'm gonna work and save up money. And take private O in 2011. I don't want my parents to be paying for my school fees. They're already tight on money.

Mirul kept on calling me this morning cuz he was really worried. He didn't sleep. He should be sleeping cuz I'm sure he's tired. Somemore he's working later at 5pm. He accompanied me this morning. Comfort me and cheered me up. Sweet right?

Someone Else.

2009-09-30T03:02:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling rather bit guilty. I don't know if I should be feeling this way.

He don't seem to care much bout me or even pamper me. Instead, someone else is doing it.
Is this suppose to be the way? Someone else is filling up for him. I don't wanna be falling in love with someone else. I just want him to be doing everything instead ): sigh. But no matter how I tried hinting him, he just don't get it.

I wonder if he's even afraid of losing me like how I'm afraid of losing him. Doubt.

Anyway, Gf & I planned not to go to school tomorrow as there wouldn't be any lesson we need. So we planned on doing a self study @ the library.

Oh I can't wait for the event on 15 October :D

kbye!!

Update.

2009-09-29T00:00:00.002+08:00

Saturday, 26 September.

Everything's canceled. Went to Lot 1. Collected the couple bracelet I bought for me & Hizam. Went to town to meet that boy. Both of us were still sick. And I hated coughing in public, with the phlegm. Its really disgusting. ):

While slacking outside Far East, I suddenly had the urge to get something. So I called D and asked where's her friend's friend's shop located. Its "ohsofickle". If you guys have been reading the magazine Chic, you should know. The shop sells loads of nice clothes. Bought this simple toga dress which caught my eye. Its pink, grey & white. Really sweet piece. :D So that was the first time Hizam accompanied me go shopping. Not really shopping though.

After that, slacked infront of taka. I couldn't tolerate my sickness nemore so I went home early.

Sunday, 27 September.

TwentySeven. Sigh. Some people should know this date.

Met up with my exboyfriend before he books in. Went home around 6+pm.

At night, talked on the phone with gf, then with my bestest best friend, matt. Slept at around 3am.

Monday, 28 September.

Because I overslept, I missed school ): Spend the day at home again. I miss school! really. ): N levels just next week and I still don't feel the urge to study. WHY? ):

For some reasons, I feel that me & Hizam are distancing. ): We hardly meet. Hais. But still, I love him. I guess I'm thinking bit too much ey.

High Fever.

2009-09-24T11:01:00.004+08:00

22 September 2009

Went to school as per normal. Brought some cakes which mum baked. Everyone liked it :D
After school, went to Ros' house cuz her mum cooked for us. On the way home, I kept sneezing, don't know why. :S

Changed & got ready and went out around 6pm. Waited for bus. Reached Jurong East around 6.40+. Took mrt to CCK.

After buying what I wanna buy, GF planned to go vivo. It was already 9pm. Her plan was to watch movie. -.- Aiya, sometimes I feel like smacking her head.

GF, Ros & her bf insist on going vivo but me & Farhanah went to slack at Clementi instead.

Went off around 10+pm cuz Farhanah can't go home late. ): Boring doh.

Reached home, & webcammed with Mirul. Heh. Cute nak mampus!

23 September 2009

Absent myself from school . One of the reason was that I couldn't wake up cuz I slept late the previous night. Was having fun webcamming. Heh :P Another reason was I'm not feeling well. Been sneezing.

After awhile, I had sore throat. It stings real bad. I know I'm gonna have fever soon. My predictions were right after all. At first, it was only 38.0..Then it rise to 39.2. Then, 39.5.

Visit the doctor and had 3 days mc. I'm stressed up now cuz I'll be missing loads of lessons. And exams just next 2 weeks! ):

Hizam was sick too. Haha! Jiwa ah!

Kbye!

First Day Of Raya!

2009-09-21T12:24:00.005+08:00

Woke up early in the morning yesterday. I actually forgot that fasting month was over. Silly me. So went to the kitchen and ate lontong. After that, bathe & waited for sister to come.

Got myself ready and then its time for asking for forgiveness..... Its a tradition. Before it even hits my turn, my tears are already building up. As usual, my heart was racing. When I sat in front of mum, I reminisce bout all the sins I've made to her. I held her hands tight as I apologize for all my wrongdoings. And her replies really touched my heart. I'm glad mum is still here with us.

Then as I proceed to dad, I thought about all the times I've been screaming at him. But his patience was incredible, lie no other. No one was able to tolerate as much as him. Like mum, I ask for forgiveness.

"You're growing older.. Change your attitude. Don't wait for
hari raya and ask for forgiveness" - dad

After the tear-jerking moments, took pictures and went out.

First house was Datuk's @ Teck Whye. And it was my first time meeting my dad's big brother. Look so much alike.

After that, we proceeded to my grandma's house. It was crowded so I sat with Dhit in the room. Busy taking photos, smsing. haha!

k lazy to elaborate already...

For Photos, click HERE.

Hizam surprised me with a call last night. Using his private number, as always. First few calls, he kept quiet. Very irritating ah! So I asked, "are you mute?" haha. But the third or fourth call, he answered. Ah! Happy gila you~~~~

k bye!

Human barks, too?

2009-09-19T23:32:00.002+08:00

Had a tiff with this jerk last night. Didn't know this type of human still exist. Tak sedar diri. No life asshole. Pity you.... Get a life and mind your own business k? Your mouth is fucken filthy. Reckon you wash your mouth with a cup of detergent. & your brains, too. Wash it with clorox. So its as clean as unused tissue. :) Dah lama hidup. mati tanak. Stupid dog. woof woof~
BOO! Such a loser.

Anyway..........................................

Selamat hari raya maaf zahir & batin to all! :D

________________________________

Baby's at KL now ): miss him!

Rain rain, go away.

2009-09-18T20:14:00.002+08:00

17 septembet 2009

Had geog paper 2. Ends at 9.30am. Went home straight. It was pouring, on the way home. What luck. Reached home, bathe & went out around 12.30pm. Text bro & ask him to help me buy a pack of ciggerattes. Then took 51 to jurong and MRT all the way to pasir ris. Reached Pasir ris at around 1.45pm. Took cab to Singlap secondary to fetch Hizam. I swear it was the first time ever, to fetch my boyfriend infront of school. It was bit weird. Haha. Neway, Hizam was my first boyfriend who stayed at east. Really at the opposite ends k!

I don't know why but I was smiling to myself while waiting for him. haha! But all I know was that I miss that pig alot. More than two weeks never meet k. Can die. So, met him and bussed to his house. Quite long journey. Waited for him at his void deck while he went home to change. Sat at this void deck & planned on where to head next. Then he suggested we go to the place where he usually hang out. Slacked all the way. k lazy to elaborate already.

Reached home at around 12.30am & don't know why I sent him this 11 msg long text. It felt as if my mind did the typing. This fingers were only obeying my mind. But all I know was that I was afraid of losing him ):

Strange as it seems.

18 september 2009
Absent myself from school today.. Wasn't feeling that well. Had fever of 38.1. Prolly cuz of the rain.

It rained since morning. I hate the wet weather. Makes me feel all lonely & emotional. Cuz the only thing I was looking forward to was his hug to keep me warm & a cup of hot chocolate. )': But obviously, thats not gonna happen. Not now. Prolly in near future, I hope.

Tomorrow's our 2nd month. But he's going KL till sunday or monday. Not able to meet him till (hopefully!) 2nd october, if both of us got nothing on. Then it will be the first time we study together.

Hari Raya's coming in two days time. But too bad, this year my family & I are not gonna celebrate it. But ofcuz, f0r sure, we have to go to my grandparent's house.
No new clothes, No new paint, No house cleaning.

N level's in 2 weeks time. PANIC PANIC! no? actually I don't really feel panic. Prolly cuz I know I'm going private if I fail. But hopefully, I'll past.

I can't wait to work, dye my hair, indulge myself on new clothes, spend time with Hizam! :D
baby, Imma pamper you like no one else could, k?

k bye!

F the wall? F the world?

2009-09-16T16:51:00.004+08:00

I miss my squirrel ): I'm always late for sahur now. Cuz my squirrel always calls me at 4am to wake me up. My personal wake up call. But guess now is different.

Today, I screwed up my maths p2 & bio. Though I did try to study yesterday but nothing can get into my head. I don't know why I was able to study for SS but not other subs. -.-

And yesterday was fucking embarrassing. Okay, there's 3 papers of which we only need to submit 2. The OTAS sheet & paper 4. Silly me, I submitted the OTAS & paper 3 (which is actually the mcq question). Lucky my teacher reminded us to check. So, stood up and went to the front. Everyone was laughing at me. FTW.

Tomorrow's geog paper 2. Lets just hope I can absorb as many things as I can. *cross finger*

Can't wait to spend time with him tomorrow! :D

Saturday's gonna be 2nd month but too bad, he's going m'sia ):

Almost 2 months together, still going strong. :)

Stress?

2009-09-14T15:27:00.001+08:00

fuckyoumotherfuckermoronassholeidiotsonofabitch.
What are you trynna do? jeopardize my life? stupid asshole.

no mood.

Put that aside. Maths & History prelim today was challenging. This is the consequence I had to face for not revising the previous day. I sat for the examanation, unprepared. During the break after maths paper 1, I tried to study for History. I did my best but nothing can get into my head. I guess I wasn't putting much effort. Probably cuz I know prelim isn't counted in N levels. After this prelims, I'm gonna study like hell. Cuz I wanna make my bf proud. For you, I will :)

I miss Hizam. I can't wait to meet him this Thursday.

Baby, eventho we hardly meet now, my feelings for you is still strong.

kbye!

FINALLY!

2009-09-13T00:37:00.002+08:00

CLICK HERE!!

GO GO GO VISIT! :D

Thanks gf for being the model! I had fun making you up and taking photos~

update.

2009-09-11T20:34:00.002+08:00

Been going out and burning a hole in my pocket lately. Guess I've become a spendthrift. I've to start saving, seriously.

Haider & Hidhir's in camp now. Hope they're doing fine.

Today's plan gonna postpone to tomorrow. :)

Talked to dad awhile ago bout my plans for next year if I fail my N. Told him I die die wanna go private school instead of ITE. No ITE for me please. Thanks dad.

I miss boyfriend so much! Can't wait to meet him next thursday & friday. 8 more days to 19. But too bad he've to go malaysia. ):

After my n levels, I'll dedicate my time to you. After N levels, its only gonna be family, friends, work & you. :)

anyway, there's too much pictures to upload. If you have facebook, go check 'em out. :D

Move on, boy.

2009-09-11T03:02:00.001+08:00

To my dearest ex, Hidhir.
sorry I can't return your feelings. You deserve someone better. I truly love my boyfriend. And I wanna be with him till the end. I know you've waited over four years. But you gotta move on. Its time you find someone new. Take care.

_______________________

will update soon. :D

Tight!

2009-09-08T16:56:00.000+08:00

Won't be updating much now. Busy as hell.
Can't wait for tomorrow. Gonna break fast with fellow schoolmates at Zam Zam. And thursday will be out with cousin & yan. Gonna accompany him go shopping at town. Friday, gf gonna come home and we'll be doing some photoshoots. It will be a surprise. :D

Next week will be prelims. till 17 September. Friday will be outing with friends again. Break fast with gf and most prolly the clementi people with few of my schoolmates.

BUSY BUSY BUSY! After that, gonna study so hard for N levels.

I FUCKEN CAN'T WAIT FOR 13 OCTOBER!!!!! :D
Time gonna fly so fast. 19's next week. :)

photos.

2009-09-06T02:36:00.003+08:00

GEYLANG WITH FRIENDS AND COUSIN WAS SUPER.

LIKE SHIT! HAHAHHA. SO HEAVY!!!!!! D: cacat! 4 legs!

Fun?

2009-09-05T12:09:00.002+08:00

Supposingly today's plan is cancelled. I was upset at first. Cuz it supposed to be my last day to enjoy before my major examinations. But Yan & Aman insist I go with them. They wouldn't let me emo at home. haha! thanks ah :D So, yeah, after class, gonna meet them at jurong east around 6 and off to geylang to break fast. Can't wait.

Gonna meet my dear cousin later. Gonna take 45643719401 pictures later. Hehe!

Hope today's weather is fine.

Oh and I'm dissapointed. Baby not going to geylang later. That means I can't meet him. And I won't be able to meet him till after n levels which is fucken 1 month later.. 13 october. WHAT THE FUCK )': I wanna die.

kbye.

Round & Round.

2009-09-04T21:56:00.001+08:00

I feel childish after reading back my previous post. I haven't been talking to mum eversince. Been three days now. I miss calling 'mama'. I haven't been eating properly either. Dad was worried. As I laid on my bed, sobbing, dad came to check on me again. For the second time. He have been witnessing me crying for the past two days now. He knows how I feel. and he wants me to be patient, just like him. Endure, endure and endure. Thinking back, I wonder...since when have I become so vulnerable? Crying everytime even for the smallest thing. I ain't that strong like how I used to be now.

________________________

Happiness. Something that everybody deserves, no matter how bad he or she is. Even if he or she had done a great sin, I think he or she still deserve to be happy. We live only once after all. At times, it keeps me wondering.. Why do some people despice people who did something bad previously, being happy? I am no exception. Have to admit that sometimes, looking at bastards or traitors who puts on a smile and laughing out loud disgusts me. But why do I feel this way? I don't even know. But when I really think bout it, putting myself in his or her shoes, and seeing everybody turned their back at me, ignoring me, is lonely. Therefore, this is the reason why I forgive people easily eventho he or she had bruised me badly. Because I know, everything happens for a reason. I have done the wrong things myself. I know partially how it feels.

_______________________

N levels next week. I'm studying like crazy. I've put aside anything else. Not all but most.
Half of the prelims result are out. Looking at it made me shiver. Just the 3 subs, I got 10 points. 5 for English, 1 for Mother Tongue and 4 for Social Studies. This is only the prelims. What bout N levels next week? If I scored 10 in the 3 subjects, I'll need just 9 points to pass. To proceed to sec 5. But I don't think I wanna proceed to sec 5. I rather take O level as a private candidate and pay a tutor to teach me. Its much better this way because the tutor only focus on one person rather than a class which have at most 30 students in it. Oh I don't know ): What I know is that I don't wanna go ITE. Not cuz ITE means 'its the end' to me. No, not the end... but I just fear the influence I'm gonna get. Knowing myself, I know I won't be able to cope with it. ): Urgh, its driving me crazy. Baby, help me.

DAMN!

2009-09-01T17:38:00.000+08:00

Recently my family have become irritating. Been tolerating eversince I don't know when. Urgh!

mum already know that I haven't eaten since just now.. For sure no energy what. I only had a slice of bread in the morning, mind you.

My cat keep meowing for can food. Mum asked me to go down and get some. Its raining lah btw! urgh. Go ask brother lah. :( Everytime me. me me me. OH yeah... My bro's SLEEPING inside his bedroom. Don't want to wake him up.... Cuz he's fasting. THEN WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! Then just because of this stupid cat, you wanna scold me? Saying sarcastic things? Involving my friends? My friends got nothing to do with this.

AND why are you shouting like as if the cat understands you? irritating!

And now brother wanna pretend giving sympathy to the cat. GO AND BUY YOURSELF THEN. That cat's not mine. its yours! mind you!

Empty?

2009-08-31T15:34:00.000+08:00

I need a break from reality. Its killing me. I'm living life just like any typical human now. Wake up, eat, bathe, school, home, sleep, study, eat, bathe, sleep. Its like a fixed cycle. And it bore me to hell!

This saturday is my last chance to hang out with my friends and have fun. After that, my days gonna be jam packed with school. Study study study. I fucken need to pass my n level. Actually, truth is, I don't even know why I wanna pass so badly..knowing that I don't wanna continue to sec 5. But if I DO have the chance, I might reconsider. :/ I really don't know which path shall I take.. ITE? Shatec? Private? or continue to sec 5. Thinking bout all this makes me stress.

But all I know is that I'm gonna find a job after my last paper with my girl and if I could, I'd work every day. And when I get that pay, Imma go shopping and spoil myself with new clothes, make ups etc etc.

I'm excited.

____________

Paranoid, paranoid, paranoid. Why am I so afraid of losing you? Truth is, I'm jealous with your girl-friends. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I'm just afraid you'd become just like those bastards I've met previously. Honestly, I'm just afraid to get hurt. I know I should trust & believe in you.... but really, I don't know. Its just my natural habit. D:

Prove me wrong. I don't wanna hear just words. I wanna see actions cuz they say action speaks louder than words.

Bare with me.
_____________

Oh btw girl, I guess we're the last one standing. We've vowed to stay together no matter what right? Thanks girlfriend. Our friendship won't last till only secondary school but it will last till we're old, right? We've went through alot of ups and down. I can't wait till we're on our adulthood. haha. Your child's gonna be a bibir! :P neway gf.....I wonder who's gonna be my husband in future. Sigh ):

Time has changed.

2009-08-30T05:49:00.000+08:00

reminincing the past have become my hobby lately. Honestly, I miss the past. I don't even have an answer to that. My life's moderately good now so why do I even have to think bout the past? I don't know ):

I miss people reminding me such stuff like going to bed early, eat properly, go to school etc etc. Eventho at times I rebel, I still like the feeling. Weird, but its how I like it. Probably cuz it makes me feel like a kid again, being loved and pampered. Now no one is doing that to me. No one had even asked me how was school and stuff. Not even mum or dad.

People are just busy with their stuff now. And I can do nothing but just accept the fact and put up a smile so I wouldn't worry anyone.

But whenever people thinks that I'm fine, it bothers me. No, I ain't asking for sympathy. Probably typing all this, people would come and suck it up to me, trying their best to say what I need to hear. But that wouldn't work on me. Cuz what I know is that things will return the same like now after few days or maybe weeks.

All I ever wanted was to feel secure.

Where is the love?

2009-08-26T21:38:00.002+08:00

Now life only revolves around my family, my close relative, my 2 great friends and my boyfriend. Other than my family and close relative, the three people are the ones whom I always share my problems with. Especially my girl. The only person who knows me inside out.

Thanks girlfriend for being there WHENEVER I needed someone. You're like a real sister to me, part of my family. I don't know what life would be without you. Eventhough you're irritating at times, deep down, you're a warm hearted girl. You know exactly how to wake me up to reality. You saved me lots of time when I'm drowned in the problems I had to face, struggling myself to keep afloat. You listened to all my problems. You gave me advices. Thank you girl. I don't know how else to repay you.

Thanks sweetheart for cheering me up whenever I'm down. Thanks for listening to my problems too. I know at times I'm irritating but thanks for being patient with me. I've learnt alot from you & mira. You guys are my pillar of strength; my true friends. After 16 years, I'm glad to finally have a few really GOOD friends I can count on.

And Hizam, thanks for being a good boyfriend. You have been patient with me. I can see. Thanks for being understanding too. I love you so much, even words are not enough to express my feelings. Moments with you are like magic. Like fireworks in the night sky. Wonderful, magical, beautiful.

By the way, I won't be updating much nowadays. And if you happen to see me online, don't bother chatting cuz I'll be away from keyboard most of the time. N levels just round the corner. I have to focus now.

Oh and I'm glad to see my results improving now :D well I hope I can maintain till after N levels. And when N level finishes, Imma party till I drop. Haha!